Finding it hard to find my place. That's right its been a while since I last wrote on this wall, yeah like anyone's reading, or will read. Ill keep writing every now and then just for myself. I am now living in Puerto Rico and study here as well. Glad that the University of PR accepted me and all but am finding it difficult to fit. I'm living with my parents so I don't have to worry about rent. THANK GOD! I speak Spanish and have a great cousin at the same school, we chat whenever possible, which is a super relief. Classes are going well, my studies are always important to me so I'm confident in my GPA, but in truth I'm not feeling that this place will give me the artistic growth I crave. The Arts Program is to say the least the stepchild of the University. It sickens me to see it in such a state especially at such a university of high standing in PR. Here I am thinking that the Arts were being neglected in the states, things are a lot more piecemeal on this side of the territory. I will never forget that. The instructors are artists, but I don't feel the guidance is there. Most of the things in this one art class I'm taking are things I know already. The methods and techniques taught here are limited.  But they manage. That's another thing as well. Here, once they know you're from the states, they're friendly to you overall, but they will try to put you to one side as a foreigner. Sure Ive lived in Florida for the past 10yrs, but I was raised here in PR. So weird that in the states, I was considered Puerto Rican, but here in PR they consider me America. So where do I fit in? In both places, thank you very much. Also, if you're doing well, they will not give you a pat on the back, but rather smile a little smile of brief surprise tinged with jealousy. I know because I can see the un genuine from a mile away. So, yes ... overall every one is friendly but they notice when you make a mistake and are sure to point it out for their enjoyment rather than your benefit. Or maybe its a phase of adjustment that everyone goes through. Worry, anxiety, the works!  Now my wish is that they eventually accept the credits I have of my Associates Degree in the Arts towards a Bachelors here. They've unfortunately chose not to accredit therm, especially after so splendidly telling me that they were going to accept my credits at he very beginning. I saw red when the director of Humanities told me this  (months into the semester ... I KNOW!). I literally wasn't sure if I should curse him out then and there, strangle him after jumping clear across his desk, or pull a Godfather 3 assassin move (you know, when the dude dressed in black kills the other guy by stabbing him in the eye with his own glasses ... that's actually raw as hell). I know venting is good, but this was like the hoover damn, holding back a lot of s**t. Its not easy for me to deal with this. Sure, Ive got a very limited social life, no boyfriend, am addicted to movies, and am either in class, at home painting or doing homework, Im very focused on my education right now ... so if my edu is the principal thing right now... ive got to switch gears and make something else my "principal focus" cause this is making me literally ill.  However, this is something I got to get through and there's no giving up here, just moving forward. I felt like packing and getting outta here, but I came here for a reason and I want to give it my all here before I leave. I'm not leaving because of obstacles, they're everywhere. I'll leave till I find no other way of making my being here productive. Sometimes I feel like leaving, but I also feel like there's something I gotta do here before I go back. I don't like talking about doing things and then not bringing them to fruition, like I jinxed myself. So I'll say no more about my future but I still have hope for something here, I don't know exactly what it is but I'll find it. God first.

Dragon Done :D!

   This was a painting done in acrylic, a 3x3 ft piece inspired by a painting made originally by Katsushika Hokusai. This one was a challenge as I decided to detail every scale --- there's probably closer to a thousand --- but well worth it. My personal favorite part of making this was making the waves and seeing how outlining them with that solid black line really changes how those waves come out in the painting. I am naturally prone to line so I loved making every bit of this painting. It was actually finished months ago, but I just remembered to post the final piece.

Looking back

Its sometimes necesary to look back at your older works to really appreciate where you stand now. Looking back on my 2009 studies, it makes me appreciate where I am now. Like when youre storing some excess drawings or artwork, and putting them away with the older ones(always labeling and keeping them in their own group ofcourse) you find yourself stumbling onto some interesting and much older pieces. Sometimes you look, sometimes not, this one(pic above) was one that just got my attention. Its an old flower study, charcoal on newsprint, but it makes me remember the during which it was made, it makes me remember where I was at the time and makes grateful for where I am now.

Almost finished

Hello out there artists, web surfers, bloggers, researchers and more. Heres a little sample of what Im working on now. Its a commission based on an Oriental theme of a Chinese dragon. I hope I got the specs right because I know theres meaning to certain details of a dragon, so based on what Ive researched Ive produced this interpretation of the Chinese dragon. Its still not finished but working on the details. I know the number of claws matters, that a 5 clawed dragon was said to be the symbol of the Emperor transformed into a dragon, and the 4 clawed dragon was said to be one of the Emperors followers, and a 3 clawed dragon meant it was a person of even lower rank. So I made this dragon with 4 claws, to be diplomatically correct. The person this painting is for is not really the Emperor of China, so I dont need any bad karma cause of vanity. The color also has significance, blue and gold, I believe it relates to how old the dragon is.

Puerto Rico ... here I come!!!

Puerto Rico has been a back and forth issue with me recently. Not only me but my family as well. I am very dependent on my family in a way. Im very family oriented so me and my family are very close. We do almost everything together. In addition, I also spend an unGodly amount of time with my parents, I consider them first and foremost my parents, but also my best friends, both of them. They can get on my nerves, but no one is perfect, and I love them to death. So in the recent months my mother has been suffering the side effects of post menopausal hell so I am obliged to be patient even though Im not always so.  This , in addition to my fathers incessant need to leave Florida, has combined to create a veritable confusion sphere that has spanned over 4 months. You can imagine, emotional meltdowns, many hospital visits, arguments, negativity, but Im proud to say that was all intertwined with love, unity, and in a way strength, thank God. Without the latter, I dont think I'd be around to type this. But that edgy time has passed. My parents are now in their home in PR, waiting for me to come on over. My foremost goals over there will be to first set up my attendance at the University of Puerto Rico, then concentrate on a new skill to learn, execute, and use to my advantage. Woodblock carving and printing. I know it sounds very ambitious, and it is daunting, but I love the challenge and I actually see myself doing it once I get there. It wont be easy, but its worth a try. I cant wait to start and see the result. I know, for some strange reason that it will turn out well. Digital art I will not forget, but will be secondary for the time being.

Work of art, or is it?

I don't see why the certain trend of shock art that's probably lasted a century ---maybe more--- has lingered as long as it has. 2011 Art Basel Miami was filled to the brim with such pieces and to tell you the truth I'm sick of the rubbish that passes for fine art but is labeled "Shock Art". From digital video pieces of a talking Anus with bad animation to penises scattered within a drawing(As if to say where's Willie"). Now there is a right way to do such things to get your point across and then there's half of Art Basel 2011. I'm tired of looking at "Museum Quality" pieces that are huge and broad that don't inspire awe but just a "?". Like one piece in the Museum of Ft.Lauderdale, I forgot the Artists name and all the best because I don't see why his piece was in the Museum at all. About a 20ft canvas covered in black acrylic paint and tar, with hints of blue and red. The tar wasn't even smoothed over or sanded down, but just poured over in such a sloppy and un-artistic way that made me cut my gaze at an inanimate object. The average art that's made today doesn't really inspire its just there to be figured out. And some pieces just stump the average person. A person who's studied art fully would still have a tough time trying to figure some of these pieces out. And that is what upsets me. The Art world is being driven into this niche of exclusivity where only an elite few can decipher this hidden mysterious world of "Blah Blah". Good art  is to be enjoyed and appreciated by everyone. It should strike a chord with anyone that sees whats on that canvas or presented as a sculpture. Wheres the real contemporary art? Is it something that is rare and precious because it can be appreciated by everyone? And if so why haven't I seen it. Now I'm not going to lie, I have seen some contemporary pieces that have literally made me gasp when I've seen them but they are few and far in between. Which truthfully sucks!!!!!

Back on Track (Fairey-esque)

 So happy to be pass a stage of impending depression. Its amazing how a  person can lose hold of their emotions, it suuuuuucccks! Well, I've been focusing my energies on some commissions using CS5 that have shown me a lot. I'm sooooo excited to have CS5, its amazing to create with and I'm not done using all of the new goodies. Heres an example, I like to call it Sushi, just because I was hungry while making it. Just playing with patterns and the whole Neg/ Pos kind of illustration. Love to play around with ideas. It the best trying to capture this kind of style with Illustrator, the vector art is sooo fun to play with. Its not a copy of Fairey's work whatsoever. Seriously, any artist has one time in their life done something in red/black/white in the hard edged technique, Fairey just elaborated it with content, patterns, and something else that I cant put my finger on. His work is amazing, but its gonna be hard for anyone else to do something hard edge in blk/wht/red, with patterns and not be labeled Fairey-esque.  Oh well, on another note I really enjoyed working on this image and hope to make more elaborate ones in the near future. Patterns are my fave thing to manipulate, anything can be done. Also big KUDOS to all the vector artists that can make some really amazing stuff. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Funny how things change

Its a great wonder to me how things can change from one day to the next. Your life could be based on the perameters you have in your mind one day, based on your current understanding of the world that surrounds you. The next day those perameters can change because the world around you can change in an instant. In addition the people who surround you in your daily life can hugely affect your standpoint on your own life. Thats whats affecting me currently. Things are currently changing, now this kind of change is something that's peculiar because I'm not even sure if its for better or worse. Which is daunting to overcome. All I can truly, wholeheartedly, write ...  is that I am grateful for what I have around me. Grateful for those around me, because ultimately, they make up much of who I am. Whatever's going on right now, I'm confident that it will pass.

Finding Inspiration

When inspiration leaves you how do you get it back? Or better yet, when what wonderful lance of inspiration still harbors itself inside your consciousness is unfortunately not nurtured. What then? It most likely is your own fault, or maybe it isn't. Circumstances happen in life that sometimes curve your attention elsewhere, places that are not conducive to a creative atmosphere. Maybe lack of focus is the culprit and you .... ONLY YOU!!!! is to blame. Well, what do you do and where do you go from here? Someone once told me that "you can't afford to wait for inspiration to come, so you'd better just make something or suffer the consequences.", or something to that effect. My next piece will meditate on that. Hope it comes out OK. Whoever reads this, I do wish this was a happier entry, one that gives and inspires instead of presenting an obstacle. But its just not time for one of those. Feel free to let me know thoughts on inspiration or the lack of. Laters.